Is life really worth living?

[orvida]

What do you do when you have 2 teenagers who are very hardheaded?
YOU PUT THEM OUT? You send them to group homes? You just wash you hands of them even through you love with everything in your fibre what? I'm at my wits end right now i sent my daughter to the store to exchange a fan that was broke,that was yesterday afternoon i have not seen or heard from her. Her school is calling me. What do i tell them i have no clue were she is. What does that say about me her mother? My son is no better he should have been graduating this month but no he chose to drop out and he's not stupid althrough his actions speak louder than words at the moment. Now you may ask yourselves what about seeking out help,let me explain something to you who give a dam i had a home maker to help me with the 4 younger children acs decided that i didn't need the help anymore even through i'm going thru alot of health issues at this time in my life. I called the supervisor and she was a very nasty bitch towards me really rude. by nature i'm a friendly person i respect everyone's opinion and i do listen rather they believe i do or not. I might not agree but i will take it into consideration none the less.
Now if yall keep up with whats going on in new york you may see were children are being killed by people claiming to love these unfortunate kids who end up dead at these monsters hands you have never heard me say that i abuse my children i don't hit them even when i know that they deserve severe ass kicking such as my daughter and my son god knows, but i have to restrain myself because i know me i would end up killing one or both of them and i truly believe that is were i lost control i try time outs that shit doesn't work i've taken away tv's games money you name it i've taken it away from them punishments are a joke to them, again i won't hit them because that just might be the one time i might actually kill them inadvertently.

I've talked to psychologists last count #12 no help to me at all. They had the nerve to give me a drug test when it should have been the 2 kids they did that too!

I've had a few of them say that it is some how my fault and when i questioned why is that and not just peer pressure no answer to that question i'm still waiting
for them to get back to me on that one. Now my hubby is not the first 4 children's father but i knew him before i had children and he's been a rock for me for the last 20 or so years we've been together my last three are his biological kids he didn't have children until he turned 47.

Now my 4 older kids father was 42 and i was 18 when we got together don't laugh i was not living at home at that time i had already moved out of my mom's apartment and i was working and going to college. I didn't have any kids until i turned 22
and the relationship was fine until he went right back to drinking that's when we started having problems but being wet behind the ears i tried to change him,but you know the saying you can not change a leopards spots or so i've been told.

Now you might wonder how it is that i've been with keith for 20+ years we used to know the same friend that is how we got together i was going out with said friend
george. when we broke up he wanted to go out with me but i was against dating his friend i just didn't believe in dealing with one's friend after breaking up with the other call me old fashion but that's me anyway when george passed away we ended up getting together a few years later way after me and the others kids father ended our dysfuntional relationship actually it was me that broke up that abusive relationship. I couldn't take it any more busted lips blackeyes fractured arms legs
dam near being blinded with industrial bleach never having contact with my mom or other family memebers due to his jealousy always thinking i'm out messing around which wasn't the case i just had more male friends than female friends.

Anyway he's no help to me or the children he ignores them when he see's them i guess his way of getting back at me or so he thinks,I could care less he's never done anything for them from the jump why would i expect him to change 17 years later
right. Now keith has always been my friend from when we first met we used to go hang
out on the duece that's downtown manhattan for those who don't know before it was changed to whatever the hell they want to call it now.

So he stepped in when me and willie or i finally called it quits after 10 yrs.
We gradualy enter the next phase of our relationship and we've been together ever since. He's basicaly raised my other children before we had children of our own together. Yet they treat him very badly not the last 2 their just hard headed but not as far gone as the older 2 one's are believe me.

But again is life really worth all of this heartache i love my children god knows i do but what do you do when your kids want to be growner than they are/ or want to be? If some one out their knows of my type of situation any advice will be greatly
appreciated. As i've said i don't want to be another parent whose known as a child(ren) killer.Me and jails cells don't mix not at all i fear small spaces.

I hate putting myself on blast but i had gotten advice from jd at one time and it seemed to help at that time so maybe some one else can offer up some sound advice to this over the hill lady at 39 any and all advice will be taken seriously and taken into consideration.
To any and all who respond i thank you for thinking of me in my time of need.
If their's any mispelled words blame it on the artirits in my hands very uncoordinated at the moment.

Comments

[kispexi2.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that I have no advice to give, but I'm hugely impressed by how you keep struggling and how you keep calm when your kids are really pushing you to the limit. I guess all you can do is love them and patiently keep repeating why some of the choices they're making are going to end up hurting them in the long run.

*hugs*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i wish i had something that could help but I don't. I have no children and most of my friends children aren't a problem but one. I watched her go through very similar things until finally she sent her son to one of those bootcamp places and honestly, it didn't help either

[orvida.livejournal.com]

Yeah i had thought of that myself i even went to court to try and put him in their i was told he would have to get arrested and maybe not even then would they put him in one.

But again i must stress that out here in these streets it's nothing but death and destruction choas, i would rather kill my kids than have some punk in the streets walk up on him/her and shot them done like dogs or worst case scenario have a cop(s) shot first and ask questions later.

It might not make alot of sense to alot of people i'm from the old school i brought you in this world and i'll take you out, such words of wisdom used to come from my moms mouth to my ears all the time.(god i miss my mother so much right now) triing not to cry at the moment.

[triyune.livejournal.com]

. . .you got my message?^^'

[orvida.livejournal.com]

yeah thanks sweety i'm giong to try it on my daughter first since she's the more sensible one of the 2 of them.

[triyune.livejournal.com]

Uh..sorry..I just wanted to make sure..because it still happens that messages get lost somewhere..
Now I wish you the best of luck.

[rroselavy.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this dear, and I understand how difficult this can be, especially when you've been made to feel that you are the blame in the situation. Have you tried family therapy? Sometimes it helps the therapist to see the entire family dynamic so that they can uncover the triggers that underly the acting out that is going on.

First and foremost your children need to respect you. It is not something that you should have to earn. I wish I knew how to go about this, I could only tell you what I would do in your situation, but that by no means means that it would work for you.

Your son needs to find a job and start contributing to the rent. If he can't (I know jobs are tough to come by), then he must register for his GED or volunteer at a hospital, soup kitchen -- something, anything.

Your daughter. It's intolerable that she would stay out without telling you where she is. If you really have no idea, then I would get the police involved. She is a missing person and it is your duty as a mother and guardian to ensure her safety. When she returns home, there would be no more freedoms until she showed she could earn it.

Disrespecting your SO. Not allowed. Not pulling their weight around the house, not allowed. If they want to live in your house they must abide by your rules!

Your older children owe this to you and the man who raised them as his own to show you respect and to live by your rules. They are responsible as role-models to your younger children as well.

[orvida.livejournal.com]

I've tried everything in my power to get them to understand that this world and life in general is hard enough without them adding to it.my way ward daughter thinks that because she's 16 that makes her an adult
no it doesn't i know this and she knows this as well but she chooses to ignore it.I have reported this to cops but because i have no clue where she could be in brooklyn/bronx they either can't or won't help me. I've talked to social workers ACS workers and the courts to no avail.I'm going to try what triyune suggested talking to them indivisually and see what the problem is and how we can solve it together and as a family due to the fact that these 2 are the oldest they must set examples for the other 5 siblings coming up.
Now as for my son he has ADHD no he's not on any meds the courts felt like he's old enough to take them if he wants to or not go figure,yet if something happens who do they call me or keith to come and pick
him/her up now i must stress these 2 are not stupid but their actions dictate otherwise.

[gen50.livejournal.com]

late reply.
all i have are suggestions, and hope they help
talking together will help. explain - and show by example - using people they know what happens.

about drugs, there are enough celebrity people you can point to and see how they have destroyed their lives with drugs. Drugs are a no-win proposition.
use people they admire....and if you dont know what these people are doing, perhaps you can research on the net.

as for staying out, you could point out the same thing. the papers might help you there.

perhaps you can arrange a meal of their favorite things and talk while eating. this used to be part of our family ritual when my parents were alive. we'd eat and chat - about our individual lives, sometimes stupid stories - and we'd interact together - as a family.

sometimes being stupid is a way of rebellion - not just to you, but to life in general. perhaps they are not satisfied with the choices they see. Point out additional choices or have the family point it out.

Talk is cheap, yet it has the potential of salvation.
One needs to talk, and listen.

** btw. i saw that your daughter came back. i hope you talked with her.

and take care of yourself. Just take it one-day-at-a-time. Do the best you can for each day. and Worry solves nothing.

i hope you are much much better physically.

[orvida.livejournal.com]

I try having family time with all the family together but if they are not willing to compromise what can i do?I don't want to use strong arm tactics unless i really have to.

As for my way daughter sheena i've just about tried everything in my power to get her to see reason hanging out all night not calling me to say i'm alive and dead it's like talking to a brickwall i'm not getting the response i want at all.

Her resonse is i don't care for every step i take forward she takes 2 back it's driving me nuts. Back in the day i would be drinking heavily right about now but i have other children to consider so i won't do it. for their sakes.

[orvida.livejournal.com]

pardon the mispelled words i'm triing to get her to talk to me at the moment but she keeps leaving the room.